


I’m Not On Drugs, I’m Just In Love (You’re High Enough For Me)

by Anonymously



Series: Keep It Simple - A series of Malec one-shots [2]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: 2x05, Comfort, Episode 5, Hurt, Kissing, Love, M/M, Malec, Season 2, They're soulmates, based post season 2 episode 5, set after jocelyns funeral
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-01
Updated: 2017-02-01
Packaged: 2018-09-21 10:15:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,633
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9543326
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Anonymously/pseuds/Anonymously
Summary: Basically set after Jocelyn's funeral when Alec is hurting and all he wants is to be with Magnus.





	

**Author's Note:**

> So I listened to your comments and quickly came up with this. Please ignore any errors because that's probably a thing and yes there is no smut but I just need cute Malec and the smut can easily come later (I'm not used to writing anything that doesn't involve some kind of obscenities so getting a dose of cute Malec is rare coming from me :) 
> 
> I've also decided to create a series of one-shots that either extend Malec scenes from the show or are just an extra add on (if it is relevant, obviously if the show sorts their shiz out and satisfies our Malec hearts properly then I'm not going to try to top that). 
> 
> Can I also just take a moment to appreciate Matt's acting in 2x05 because that crying at the end had me wanting to reach through the screen to drag his cute ass to Magnus' house so he could be comforted (hence why the one-shot happened)
> 
> Also who else is excited for the next two episodes because MALEC DATE and POSSIBLE KISS!
> 
> Disclaimer: Characters and rights go to the show and Cassie Clare.  
> Title is from the song 'Not on Drugs' by Tove Lo
> 
> Anyways, enough of my babble, enjoy :)

***

Alec feels awful. In fact, he’s never felt worse than he does right now. It’s all a foreign concept, having feelings. He’s trained to harness his emotions, to hide his pain, his heartbreak, his happiness, his sadness - should he continue? And after everything he’s faced, it’s killing Clary’s mother that finally breaks him. Even his conflicted feelings for Magnus didn't “tarnish his perfectly crafted image”, as the high warlock would say so himself. 

Seeing Clary sob into Jace’s shoulder has never made him feel so broken. He doesn't know what to do. How is he supposed to make up for that? Nothing in the world could ever repay Clary back for what he did; and after everything that’s happened over the past few months, Alec never would have thought that it would be his own wrong doing that finally brings him down. Even if it _was_ a demon. 

After the funeral, Alec finds himself walking through the Institute halls without really knowing where to go. Even the idea of shooting arrows doesn’t raise his spirits. He feels as though he is stuck in a place where he isn’t sure what to do anymore because he’s never been trained to deal with this. But even in his most darkest times he can still think of one place he wants to be, and that’s with Magnus. Because Magnus always knows what to do and even if he doesn't know what to do, he always pretends that he does and it’s _that_ pretending that comforts Alec. Magnus is the light at the end of every dark tunnel that Alec has ever head down. There is no demands from him, no telling him what to do, no expecting greater things, it’s just Magnus and a comfort that feels real. So that’s where Alec goes, Magnus’.

He takes his time. There’s no rush and even when he does reach Magnus’ door to the loft, Alec still waits outside. He probably looks such a sight to behold. A tattooed body in a white suit with messy hair and tear-brimmed eyes - he’s definitely thankful that the glamour exists. He does straighten up though, holds his shoulders that little bit higher and wipes his eyes, breathing heavily to compose himself. 

That’s when he knocks on the door. Just three sharp knocks that seem to echo throughout the whole building. Then there is silence and yet the ringing in Alec’s ears only gets louder. 

“Alec?” He looks up at the sound of the voice that’s become such a familiarity in Alec’s life recently. Magnus is stood in front of him, hand resting on his door. He’s dressed in a soft robe that compliments his tanned skin. His face is makeup free and as Alec lets his eyes roam over his body, for yet, what feels like the hundredth time, Alec can’t comprehend how someone can be _that_ beautiful. 

It’s when he lets his own eyes meet Magnus’ that his voice catches in his throat and all of his composure just goes down the drain. As the tears pool in his eyes and start to fall down his cheeks, Magnus is quick to act and pulls him inside the loft. Alec feels himself being seated on the sofa and then Magnus’ hands are everywhere, at least that’s what it feels like. 

“Alec… baby, it’s okay, it’s going to be okay.” Magnus’ voice is soft. There is a lot of shifting that Alec doesn’t seem to process until he feels himself being pulled backwards so that he's resting against the warlock’s chest. And that’s how it stays. Magnus seated behind him, and himself sat between Magnus’ open legs, chest to back and strong arms encircling his waist. 

“I messed up, Magnus,” Alec sobs. He can feel himself getting angry and even though Magnus’ arms around him are like an anchor, Alec is still floating in that ocean, calling for help. “I let a demon in. I let it in - how could I have even been so stupid!” Alec grips at his hair and as Magnus’ arms grow tighter, Alec leans forward into his hands and screams. It’s a broken, pained scream but he just lets it out and Magnus only holds on. 

“Shh, darling, I’ve got you,” Magnus whispers, pressing soft kisses against Alec’s temple as he runs his fingers through Alec’s hair, pulling it away from his forehead. Alec leans back and buries his face into the soft fabric of Magnus’ robe and he stays like that, just letting himself cry. Apart from Alec’s muffled sobbing, there’s only silence before Magnus lifts the young shadowhunter’s head with his hands so he can look into Alec’s blue eyes. He guesses it would be more simple this way.

“You’re so brave, do you know that?” Magnus says, tracing the tear tracks on Alec’s cheeks with his thumb. “You spend so much time keeping yourself together, for your family, for your brothers and sister, but Alec, _baby_ , it’s okay to cry if it gets too difficult sometimes. It doesn't make you weak, it makes you human, and if you haven't checked lately, you're not just half angel, you're half human too and that human side of you needs to feel emotions, darling. If you don’t let those emotions have their time in the sun then they will only ruin that human part of you, and Alec…” 

Magnus makes sure that Alec looks at him before continuing, “I don’t want to lose you.”

Alec grips at Magnus’ hand on his cheek. “You’re not going to lose me, I promise.”

The warlock gives a small, sad smile before whispering, “sometimes, those promises don’t keep you alive.” 

Alec sits up and it feels strange. Now that Alec has cried out all that he can, he’s automatically turning to comfort Magnus because even if Alec isn't necessarily happy, Magnus _has_ to be happy, _needs_ to be happy. For Alec’s sake as well as for his own. 

“Magnus, you know that I won’t live forever but I’m here now, and this _now_ is all that matters,” Alec says, shifting to straddle Magnus’ lap. The intimacy is burning. Alec rests his forehead against Magnus’.

“You almost died last week and that terrified me,” Magnus whispers, his eyes closing and Alec knows this because he can feel the warlock’s eyelashes fluttering gently against his own cheek. Alec grips at Magnus’ robe, tugging lightly in a frustrated effort. 

“Magnus… I -”

“No.” Magnus cuts him off, “listen to me, Alec, you have got to start ignoring those demons in your head, you need to stop caring for everyone but yourself.”

Alec pulls back so he can look at the older man, his thighs still snug on either side of Magnus’ legs, his arms coming to rest on Magnus’ shoulders so that his hands can delicately play with the hair at the nape of his neck. It’s nice, seeing Magnus without hair gel and makeup. It almost makes the high warlock of Brooklyn look vulnerable. 

Alec shakes his head, “I’m not worthy of being cared for, not now.”

Magnus groans in frustration before taking the split decision to flip them over so that Alec is lay on the sofa and Magnus is now hovering above him, his hands at either side of the shadowhunter’s head. “Stop that, Alexander.”

He leans down and allows their lips to come together in a gentle yet rather firm kiss.

“I.” Kiss. “Care.” Kiss. “About.” Kiss. “You.” Magnus drags the kiss out longer this time, his hands gripping in Alec’s hair causing the younger lad to sigh, arching up against Magnus’ body. 

“I know,” Alec says between kisses. He moves his hands from beside him to under Magnus’ robe and around his back so that Alec can gently trace patterns against Magnus’ bare skin that rests under his palms. 

“Then don’t say stupid things like that, Alexander.” 

They continue to kiss and even though the passion to take things further is there, neither of them want to take that step, not tonight, not in circumstances like this. Alec feels that burning in the pit of his stomach and he knows that despite how much he probably should deny it, he knows that he’s kind of falling for Magnus. 

Alec grips his arms tighter around Magnus’ back, pulling the warlock down on top of him so that their bodies are flushed together. They’re still kissing but this time Alec can feel Magnus’ gentle heart beat, at least he thinks he can - it’s probably his own heart really. And for the first time in a very long time, his heart isn’t racing to come first, it’s rather settled in coming last if it means that he can lie in Magnus’ arms for the rest of his life. 

He pulls away, looking up to Magnus and he’s sure he sees the flash of those cat eyes that he keeps glamoured. It does things to Alec, knowing that he’s able to bring Magnus’ guard down enough so that the glamour is momentarily forgotten. Alec smiles, lifting his hand and letting it gently trace the lines of Magnus’ jaw.

“I promise that I will stop saying stupid things,” he says as he feels his steady heart beat pick up speed when Magnus smiles down at him in return. 

“Good, because you're far from stupid, Alexander - you're wonderful.” And with that Magnus leans back down and reconnects their lips and they are both grinning into it, their teeth clashing slightly but they’re both smiling and that’s all that matters. 

It may take time for Alec to understand his emotions but when it comes to Magnus, Alec already knows what falling in love feels like and he would battle a million demons if he meant that he could fall in love with Magnus everyday, over and over again.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope I didn't disappoint. If you want more (since I am planning a Raphael and Simon fic and a chaptered Malec fic) then Kudos and comments are appreciate and don't forget to check out my other works in this series. :) x


End file.
